Wednesday, May 20, 2015

So my query and a sample of my novel, FLASH, have been entered into The Writer's Voice. My sample is below. Happy reading.:)

QUERY:

Here's the thing about life....

It's unpredictable. Unforgiving. And utterly lonely.

At least for seventeen-year-old Benjamin Doran, who was born with the cursed job as a final liaison.

His job was simple. In exchange for carrying out the dying's final will, Benjamin receives a glimpse of someone set to die before their time. Problem is - aside from the obvious – that people suck at listening when they're told they're going to die. To say his track record for saving people sucks is a joke. He has made barely a tire mark on his long road of flashes.

He's well aware he's turned into a sarcastic asshole because of his curse, but who wouldn't when his peers refer to him as the freaky kid from the Sixth Sense? He keeps strictly to himself until his newest flash shows the image of a girl who despises everything about him.

Aristene may not be much, but she's the first person to realize his sarcasm is purely a shell. So when his attempt to bait her with friendliness explodes, he realizes that Aristene has found his Achilles heel. And as she digs her way deeper into his life, she's the one Benjamin needs to be prepared to lose. Because with a track record of 78-2, he just might lose the one person who sees him as more than a freaky kid with a gift.

Written from the dual point of view of Benjamin and Aristene, my young adult paranormal novel, FLASH, is complete at 67,000 words.


FIRST 250

Benjamin strolled into Taylor Woods Nursing Home knowing somebody was going to die.
 
Popping an orange Tic Tac into his mouth, he nodded at the secretary and headed off towards the East wing. He didn’t need a guest pass. She knew who he was, and based on the raise of a single eyebrow, she was curious. He peeked back, wondering if she was watching to see which room he walked into. 
 
She was.

Howdy, Ms. Gail,” Benjamin crooned as he walked through the door at the end of the hallway. In this wing, lunch was served on trays as all residents were no longer able to make it to the cafeteria. The floral and disinfectant smell of the nursing home was too strong for his nostrils to make out the menu.

Ms. Gail wasn’t speaking. Benjamin blew out the breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. Had he expected her to stand up and dance at his arrival? Nobody did that, even if they didn’t know about his gift. Or curse, depending on the day.

Her bedroom was noisy, even though it was just the two of them. The respiratory machine hummed as it breathed in and out, an accordion-like thing moving up and down with the noise. To the right of Ms. Gail was the heart machine. The green lines weren’t moving up very far, if that meant anything at all. And the beeping noise that accompanied the rising green line took a break for a few seconds before repeating.





15 comments:

  1. Oh my. I want to read this. Like right now. Your query hooked me from the very beginning and I blazed through the 250. What a unique idea!! Wishing you the best of luck :)

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  2. Good luck in the competition! (Are you on Twitter, btw?)

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  3. Thank you. Best of luck to you as well. And I am on Twitter - @Beckypaulin

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  4. What would one have to do to be able to read the rest of this? LOVE IT so far. Good Luck!

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  5. Loved your premise and 250!! Best of luck to you!!

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  6. What an interesting premise! Good luck!

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  7. Loved your 250! Best of luck Rebecca!

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  8. The opening is great! Makes me want to read on.

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  9. No one took me up on my twitch offer, so I figure I'll just do them for as many people as I can. PitMad is June 4, use this one, change it, or don't use it at all, but make sure you tweet something! If you do use this one, please pay it forward and support your fellow writers by retweeting all the good pitches you see (I’m @JD_ODonnell ;) )

    When 17y/o Ben sees a flash of Aristene’s death, he has to make her believe he sees the future, or he’ll lose his first love #PitMad #YA #PR

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  10. Cool concept. I like the idea, and it doesn't seem like something we've seen a million of. The first 250 is really sharp, so good job there, too.

    Good luck in the competition.

    I offer everyone a query crit, and if you're daring, how I would have voted if I were a judge. Just give me a holler at DrFaerieGodmother.blogspot.com with your email (you can use the name (at) server dot com method if you like), and I'll email you a crit with some specifics. if you don't like having your email on the interwebs, just say so in the comment, and I'll delete that before the bots can get it!

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  11. Rebecca - hi. Love your query, it reads like a treatment for a Syfy tv series. Good luck.

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  12. You're listed as a lone paranormal and I'm listed as a lone Paranormal Fantasy. But what I like is we both have male main characters. Best of luck!

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  13. Great start! Good luck in the contest!

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  14. Just stopping by to say I really liked your writing! Kind of made me feel I was there--you've got some great sensory deets. I'm not sure about starting a YA in a nursing home, though (but maybe that's just me). And the YA paranormal market is extra nitpicky now. But still, this was an almost for me! Good luck with this one! :)

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